Wednesday, July 5, 2017

[MEDICINE] Anesthesiology: The Bias Wrecker



Jadi 29 Mei 2017 kemarin, berakhirlah secara resmi 'liburan' kita yang amat sangat panjang, 4 bulan! Hari pertama masuk dunia yang gak pernah kita icip sebelumnya, koas! Dari awal-awal udah berdoa biar di bulan Ramadhan tahun ini dapat siklus yang gaada dinas. Ternyata as expected, ga sesuai harapan. Eh tapi dapetnya anestesi! Ntah kenapa waktu daftar siklusnya keluar dan ngeliat tulisan 'Anes' itu malah seneng. Waw bakal dinas. Waw bakal masuk OK. Waw untung lumayan suka.

Well. Kita itu pasti punya preference terhadap segala sesuatu kan? So far, my ultimate bias itu adalah Jantung. Ga ada yg ngalahin 'feel' pas belajar jantung itu. Ga ada. Terus dibawah level 'Ultimate Bias' itu, sebut saja level 'VIP'. Aku suka belajarnya, tapi yaudah, sebatas itu aja. Dan disini termasuk Bedah, Obgyn, Neuro,  Anestesi, Jiwa. Bidang lain? Biasa aja.

Jadi kesan pertama terhadap anestesi? Suka.

Beberapa hari kemudian, jadi SESUKA ITU.

....

Anestesi itu kerjanya perioperatif. Perioperatif mencakup tiga tahap: pre-operatif (sebelum operasi), intraoperatif (selama operasi), dan post-operatif (sesudah operasi). Anggapan kalau dokter anestesi itu kerjanya cuma ngebius aja, itu ga bener. Perkara operasi? Kerjaannya dia. ICU? Kerjaannya dia juga. Pasien diresusitasi di IGD? Kerjaannya dia juga. Untuk jadi ahli anestesi itu ga semata-mata paham tentang obat bius aja. Mereka itu harus tau banyak. Banyak banget! Tau fisiologi-patofisiologi dari ujung kepala sampai ujung kaki, ga cuma spesifik ke 1 organ aja. Tau obat bius dan efek dari si obat itu terhadap ujung kepala sampai ujung kaki. Kalau pasiennya ada riwayat ini, berarti ga boleh pakai yang ini. Kalau pasiennya begini, berarti tindakannya harus begini. 

Bener-bener harus tau sebanyak itu. SEBANYAK ITU.

Apalagi kalo General Anesthesia (GA) atau bius umum. Ada 5 komponen yang harus terpenuhi: Hipnosis (pasiennya jadi ga sadar), Analgesia (pasiennya ga merasakan sakit sama sekali), Arefleksia (hilangnya refleks-refleks di tubuh, misalnya kalo kita orang normal, saat ada dedebuan di saluran napas atas, kita bakal batuk. Itu namanya refleks batuk. Nah pada bius umum ini, semua refleks tubuhnya 'dilumpuhkan'), Relaksasi Otot (seluruh badannya jadi relaks, gak bisa gerak), dan Amnesia (ingatannya terhadap tindakan operasi itu hilang). Seolah-olah kontrol bangun/gak bangun, 'hidup/gak hidupnya' itu ada di tangan si dokter anestesi. Misalnya dari yg awalnya cuma sakit usus buntu (belum pecah/perforasi), yg awalnya cuma sakit perut kanan bawah dan masih sadar, eh malah dibikin 'ga sadar', seluruh badannya 'dilumpuhkan'.

Everything is like a coin. Semua punya sisi baik dan buruknya. Setiap tindakan kedokteran pun punya manfaat dan efek sampingnya masing-masing. Apalagi tindakan sekaliber anestesi/pembiusan. Resiko mulai dari sekedar menggigil, mual, muntah, sampai kematian pun bisa terjadi. Bahkan operasi mata, yang kedengarannya mungkin cuma operasi kecil, pembiusannya punya kekhususan sendiri. Jika tindakan operasi mata pada pasiennya itu memerlukan bius umum, maka biusnya itu harus lebih dalam dari bius umum biasanya! That's why, informed consent nya harus benar-benar jelas. Pasien dan keluarganya harus dijelaskan apa-apa saja efeknya dan jika mereka setuju, baru kemudian pembiusannya bisa dilakukan. Supaya nanti jika terjadi hal-hal yang tidak diinginkan, kita tidak berdosa dan tidak dituntut baik itu oleh keluarga maupun di akhirat.

SEBERAT ITU TANGGUNG JAWABNYA.

Di setiap bidang, ada ahlinya. Kita hampir ga bisa bercita-cita ingin jadi 'ini' atau ingin jadi 'itu' tanpa 'mengidolakan' orang yang sudah terjun di dunia itu yang menurut kita sosoknya luar biasa. Ada 11 dokter anestesi di rumah sakit tempat aku koas. Dan seperti biasanya, we tend to choose the best one. Semuanya ahli. Semuanya pintar. Semuanya punya sisi terbaik masing-masing. Tapi ada satu dokter yang paling berkesan. dr. Zulfadli Syahrul, Sp.An.



Beliau seprofesional itu. Sungguh! Meskipun setiap akan ada OK (baik itu elektif maupun cito) para dek koas bakal nge-pre op (melakukan wawancara dan pemeriksaan yang diperlukan untuk operasi besoknya) dan melaporkan hasilnya ke dokter anestesi yang bersangkutan, beliau tetap turun dan ikut nge preop pasiennya. Bukan karena beliau ga percaya dengan hasil preop dek koas, tapi semata-mata karena beliau menganggap itu adalah standarnya, itu adalah tanggungjawabnya. 

Prosedurnya selalu sama. Beliau akan bertanya beberapa hal dan melakukan pemeriksaan yang diperlukan untuk kepentingan operasi besok. Kemudian beliau akan menjelaskan semua tetek bengek resiko pembiusan itu mulai dari yang ringan sampai resiko kematian. Sampai raut muka keluarganya berubah saat dengar ada resiko kematian, meskipun sebenarnya si pasien 'cuma' bakal operasi amandel. Siapa sih yang anggap operasi amandel itu mengerikan? Rasanya ga ada ya. Jarang dengar orang meninggal karena operasi amandel, meskipun bisa jadi ada. Tapi bahkan operasi amandel ini bisa pun bikin pasiennya mati karna efek samping pembiusannya. Makanya segalanya benar-benar harus terang. Harus ada hitam diatas putih.

Dan beliau melakukannya dengan sangat baik. Dengan profesionalitas. Pernah waktu itu ada pasien corpus alienum e.c tulang ikan et hipofaring kanan (ada tulang ikan nyangkut di faringnya). Kalo ga salah pasiennya akan dilakukan tindakan laringoskopi, aku lupa tapi intinya ga dibedah. Tindakan operasinya cuma memasukkan suatu alat semacam teropong, untuk melihat tulang ikannya. Kalau ada, ya diambil. Kalau udah ga ada, ya di debridemant aja (dibersihkan). Tapi saat dr. Zul ini sedang memberi penjelasan terkait efek tindakan pembiusan, seperti biasa, raut muka pasiennya berubah karna ada risiko kematian. Ya siapa juga yang ga takut, cuma ambil tulang ikan dari tenggorokan aja tapi resiko kematiannya tetap ada karna efek samping bius.

Terus pasiennya jadi mikir, sambil nelan-nelan gitu. Mungkin ngerasain 'ini tulangnya masi nyangkut ga ya?'. Kemudian entah karna efek psikosomatis, entah karena takut, atau itu tulangnya beneran ga kerasa lagi, bapaknya dengan muka cerah bilang 'tapi ini tulangnya ga kerasa lagi dok. Udah ga begitu sakit lagi!' Pasiennya jadi gak niat operasi lagi. Terus mereka jadi bingung. Dr. Zul nya juga bingung. Eh tapi jangan dikira dr. Zul nya nakut-nakutin pasien, karna resiko-resiko itu memang nyata adanya. Wkwk. Lucu sih pas bagian ini.

Akhirnya fix sampai ke kesimpulan: bapaknya menolak untuk operasi. Terus si bapak dengan muka cerahnya bilang "karna dengar penjelasan dokter ini, hilang sakit saya! Bagus ini dokternya. Dia profesional. Dijelaskan semuanya kepada pasien. Terimakasih ya dok!' Bapaknya nyalamin dr. Zul, dan salamannya rada ga santai gitu, salam yang erat sampai tangan dr. Zul nya naik turun padahal tangan dr. Zul waktu itu lagi luka (kemaren abis dioperasi) dan muka dr. Zul nya antara cerah antara meringis karna kesakitan et causa salaman yang sangat erat dan bersemangat dari pasiennya.

Wakakakakakakaka.

Waktu ngeliatnya itu antara geli antara sedih, kasian dr. Zul nya :"D

Terus ada lagi kejadian lain. Dokter ini hobi banget minta maaf, abis ga sengaja/sengaja marahin dek koas aja minta maaf! Pernah waktu itu ada kakak2 yang kena marah bapaknya, kena marahnya ga nyantai pula! Sampai mukul lemari gitu bapaknya dan ngebentak! Ada kesalahpahaman intinya waktu itu dan sebenarnya kakak ini ga salah. Ya namanya juga kehidupan koas, ditarik sana sini. Disalahin sana sini. Terus beberapa jam setelah itu pas operasinya selesai, dr. Zul ini nyari dan nemuin kakak tadi. Buat apa? Untuk minta maaf! Bukan minta maaf yang ala kadarnya gitu, tapi emang bener-bener ingin dimaafkan, sampai bapaknya kayak memohon gitu dan ngulurin tangan duluan buat minta maaf :"

Kejadian lain? Ada! Waktu itu aku berdua Nesa preop pasien cito (emergency) ke IGD. Pas Nesa ngelapor, karna grogi/takut, suara dokternya jadi terdengar babling ditelinganya, dan ngelapornya jadi ga berurutan gitu. Kena marah sama bapaknya! Terus like usual, bapaknya turun langsung buat preop pasiennya. Pas udah selesai, bapaknya ngehampirin kami, ngejelasin baik-baik kenapa tadi bapaknya tiba-tiba marah. Terus dinasehatin,  harusnya tu begini. Dan dikasih wejangan. Bukan dalam konteks dimarahi lagi, bukan! Emang murni dinasehatin dengan cara baik-baik! Waktu itu kami 4 kali papasan sama dokternya di IGD dan disetiap 4 kali papasan itu bapaknya ngomong lagi. Pas diakhir malah minta maaf.

:"

Oiya, waktu masih awal-awal anestesi, dinas pertama juga sama dr. Zul, dan banyak cerita lawak juga! Mulai dari aku yang waktu itu belum tau dr. Zul yang mana lalu dengan seenaknya manggil beliau 'bang' pas di OK. Lalu diikuti dengan ulah Dije yang pas ngangkat HP Anestesi manggil dokternya 'bang'. Lalu saat di OK disuruh dengar pake stetoskop suara napas pasiennya abis dipasang ETT dan Nesa bilang ga kedengeran, dokternya dengan tampang ga percaya (seriously! Benar-benar murni tampang ga percaya, bukan marah!) bilang "Astaghfirullah, sini sini saya dengar!" Waktu itu pake stetoskop litman III yang ada 2 membran itu. Dokternya ikutan bingung juga karna sepertinya juga ga kedengeran sama dokternya. Tapi akhirnya bisa juga pake membran yang kecil (yang buat anak). Terus pas selesai intubasi, dokternya dengan polosnya bilang 'Lebih kedengaran kalo dengarnya pake membran yang kecil ya. Ini litman berapa? Bagus juga ya. Berapa belinya tu?'

:D

Lalu juga pas waktu sahur atau buka, bapaknya suka nebeng beli makanan ke dek koas yang dinas hari itu. Beliau juga suka cerita dan kadang-kadang nge-receh, dan dek koas yang ga sopan ini ga merepon recehan bapaknya dengan ketawa tapi malah bengong. Terus dengan awkward beliau mengalihkan pembicaraan. Lalu hari ini, hari terakhir di siklus anestesi. Allah mendengar doaku yang ingin foto sama dr. Zul dan akhirnya terkabulkan! Kami berempat (aku, nesa, dije, dan feby) foto dengan beliau dan abis itu salam-salaman, dan as always beliau minta maaf lagi. Biasanya kalo pas salam ke orang yang lebih tua itu, kita kan yang ngulurin tangan duluan? Nah dokter ini malah nunduk dan ngulurin tangan duluan sambil minta maaf dan kasih wejangan-wejangan!

Seriously ga ngerti lagi, ternyata ada dokter dan guru se-angel ini. Se humble ini. Dokter yang mau lari-lari dari OK ujung ke OK ujungnya lagi karna saturasi pasiennya tiba-tiba turun saat operasi.

....

Dua pertiga tulisan ini kayaknya ngebahas tentang dr. Zul semua yha.
Aku gatau nanti akhirnya bagaimana. Bakal jadi ahli dibidang apa. 4 tahun terakhir ini aku istiqomah ingin jadi dokter jantung. Karena aku SUKA banget belajarnya. Tapi aku gatau apakah aku bakal suka juga dengan pekerjaan sehari-harinya.

Terus kalau Anestesi?

Aku suka belajarnya dan aku lebih SUKA LAGI dengan pekerjaan/kegiatan sehari-harinya. Sepertinya jadi dokter anestesi ga bakal cuma jadi keinginan emak lagi. Sepertinya aku juga pengen.

PENGEN BANGET.
....

Akhir kata?

Ingin bersyukur sebanyak-banyaknya karna Dia memilihkan untukku bukan kehidupan yang aku inginkan, tapi kehidupan yang tepat. Hanya Dia yang tau mana yang terbaik dan tepat untuk masing-masing hamba-Nya.

Dan menjalani siklus pertama koas di bagian Anestesi adalah hal yang tepat menurut-Nya.

Dan aku BAHAGIA.



July 5th, 2017
by (probably) future Anesthesiologist

Monday, May 29, 2017

[SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat




Complete series of Self Helps :
4. [SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat


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Tuhan paham benar bahwa siapapun manusianya, ia tetap membutuhkan makhluk yang bisa ia lihat keberadaannya, ia dengar suaranya, ia sentuh sosoknya. Makhluk yang kemudian kita sebut manusia. Meskipun pada hakikatnya, Tuhan saja sudah lebih dari cukup untuk menjalani hidup.

Ada banyak orang dengan hati yang luasnya hampir menyaingi samudra, dengan mimpi-mimpi yang besarnya hampir mengalahkan semesta. Ada banyak orang luar biasa di dunia. Apakah kita sempat bertemu dan kenal dengan mereka semua? Sebagian kecilnya sudah. Tapi yang pasti tidak akan pernah seluruhnya.

Tuhan begitu apik mengatur hidup masing-masing hamba-Nya. Ia tahu betul orang mana yang perlu beririsan jalan hidupnya dengan jalan hidup seseorang yang lain. Ia tahu betul orang seperti apa yang membuat kita nyaman, orang seperti apa yang membuat kita sebal, serta orang seperti apa yang dianggap pantas memberi kita pelajaran.

Saat hari-hari usiamu masih bisa dihitung dengan jari, saat matamu yang tadinya masih kabur mulai bisa melihat dengan jelas. Siapapun manusia itu, dialah orang yang Dia putuskan sebagai manusia pertama yang kamu lihat. Untuk sekian waktu kedepannya hingga kamu dan dia 'terpisah', kamu mengenalnya sebagai orangtua. Mereka mungkin bukan yang terbaik. Pemahaman mereka mungkin tidak sebijak yang tertulis dalam buku-buku pendidikan anak. Perlakuan mereka mungkin masih perlu ujian remedial. Tapi mereka dan apa-apa yang ada pada mereka, itulah yang diputuskan-Nya untuk kamu terima.

Selang tahun berganti. Kamu mulai mengenal banyak orang. Beragam jenis manusia. Ada saudara-saudaramu. Lalu ada orang-orang yang tadinya tidak kamu kenal. Beberapa darinya sempat berpapasan jalan. Beberapa lainnya saling menyapa dan bertukar nama. Beberapa sesudahnya mulai bercerita, malu-malu, kesegan-seganan. Beberapa setelahnya sudah tidak lagi sungkan untuk saling 'membongkar' aib masing-masing. Mereka boleh jadi bukan orang dengan pencapaian maha dahsyat, bukan orang dengan ruang penerimaan paling luas, tapi mereka dan apa-apa yang ada pada mereka, itulah yang diputuskan-Nya untuk kamu terima.

Detik ini, atau nanti, ketika kamu sudah mulai menghargai dan mencintai dirimu sendiri, kamu akan tahu bahwa manusia-manusia selain dirimu yang diputuskan oleh-Nya untuk mengambil peran dalam hidupmu, dalam suka ataupun duka, dalam rela atau amarah, mereka adalah orang-orang yang keberadaannya tidak bisa kamu beli dengan uang, dengan saham, dengan emas, dengan apapun harta yang ada di dunia. 

Bersyukurlah bahwa Tuhanmu tidak mengutus kepadamu orang-orang terbaik.

Dia, mengutus kepadamu orang-orang yang tepat.


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May 27th, 2017.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

[STORY] Rasa



Suasana kala itu, terasa tepat bagi Rasa untuk kembali mengingat-ngingat.

Kala itu senja. Dari balik jendela, Rasa mengintip pemandangan matahari jingga dan langit merah muda, sedang bersiap untuk ditelan sekawanan air. Sewindu terakhir, lagu yang ia dengarkan selalu sama. Rasa menyunggingkan senyum tipis diantara kesemrawutan pikirannya.

"Kau boleh turun untuk makan malam. Aku sudah siap memasak." ujar Memori melalui celah pintu kamar Rasa yang terbuka.

Makan malam senja itu tidak ada yang berbeda. Atau begitulah yang ia kira. Ketika selang beberapa menit kemudian pintu rumah mereka diketuk dari luar. Memori beradu tatap dengan Rasa sepersekian detik, untuk kemudian berdiri dari tempat duduknya dan berjalan kearah pintu.

"Selamat sore. Perkenalkan, aku Tinta"

Senja menjelang malam itu, mereka mengajak Tinta untuk makan malam bersama. Sulit untuk mendeskripsikan situasinya. Sulit juga bagi Rasa untuk tidak mencuri-curi pandang kearah Tinta. Rasa tersenyum dan bercakap seperti biasanya. Namun sesuatu dalam dirinya seperti bereaksi. Jantungnya bedegup jumpalitan. Ia tidak pernah mengalami ini. Mungkin ia bisa bertanya alasannya pada Tinta.

"Mungkin kau sedang jatuh cinta."

Memori tergelak demi mendengarnya. Rasa tetap terdiam dengan air muka serius. Dari apa yang dilihatnya, bisa ia simpulkan Tinta hanya bergurau. Tidak apa-apa, pikirnya. Berarti jantungnya yang hiperaktif tiba-tiba ini bukan masalah serius.

Karena sepertinya masalah serius itu terletak pada pikiran Rasa. Ia merasa dunia berputar disekelilingnya, ketika akhirnya semua mendadak gelap.

"Sudah kubilang, jangan terlalu dipaksakan."

Teguran Memori terdengar sayup-sayup di telinga Rasa. Kepalanya seakan-akan bekerja dengan berat dalam tempo yang sangat cepat. Rasa tiba-tiba melihat sesuatu yang tak pernah ia lihat sebelumnya. Peristiwa itu. Kejadian itu. Suasana itu. Itu bukan sesuatu yang menyakitkan dan juga bukan sesuatu yang membahagiakan. Tapi mungkin itu adalah sesuatu yang Rasa tidak ingin ingat. Kalau saja sewindu lalu Takdir tidak mengajaknya melihat matahari terbenam dan memperdengarkan lagu itu, sewindu ini tidak akan terasa semenyesakkan penjara. Sewindu ini Rasa akan menjalani kehidupan yang benar-benar baru. Semua ini benar-benar diakibatkan oleh ketidaksengajaan Takdir sewindu lalu.

Detik ini. Rasa kembali mengingat seluruhnya. Periode waktu yang ingin ia kubur dibalik tanah. Namun Sang Pencipta tidak pernah salah. Kabar baiknya, mengingatnya kembali tidak semengerikan yang Rasa duga.

Kini pandangannya beralih pada Tinta yang menatapnya dengan penuh kepanikan.

"Apa kau baik-baik saja?"

Rasa tidak melihat keberadaan Memori.

"Sepertinya ia sudah kembali ke tempat dimana seharusnya ia berada." ujar Tinta, seolah-olah menjawab pertanyaan dalam batin Rasa.

Sedetik kemudian, Rasa menceritakan seluruhnya pada Tinta. Tinta tersenyum di beberapa kesempatan. Di beberapa kesempatan yang lain ia hanya mengangguk, mendengarkan.

"Ini mungkin bukan hal yang baik, tapi aku ingin terus mengingatnya." Rasa menutup ceritanya.

"Mungkin aku bisa membantumu dalam hal itu." Tinta tersenyum. 




Kertas-kertas penuh tulisan malam itu, menjadi saksi ketulusan Tinta dalam membantu Rasa.

Malam selepas senja itu, Rasa dan Tinta saling jatuh cinta.
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Thursday, March 30, 2017

[FRIENDS] 3rd: Paragraf untuk Dhayika





One of those people I'm grateful to know.

It was approximately 6 years ago. Living in a boarding school makes the introvert me didnt get to know better friends outside. People I did chitchat everyday were just my roommate, my neighbor-mate, my 'sal'-mate, particularly just these friends who got to see me every dawn and every night.

But, who knows? It seemed like I'm not that strongly-introvert ones. Chances were always come. I'm not bragging out but yes, I was quite active in many school events, being part of committes. Day by day I started to talk with more non-dormy friends. But this friend I'm gonna tell you about is one the exceptions. As I remembered, I've never got a chance. I only knew her name, then matched that with the face. "Oh! So it's her!" She was that kind of quite-popular ones in our school. Intan (one of my dormy friend) also talked about her sometimes. 


..........


*Cailah gaya banget pake bahasa Inggris --'


Allah emang ga pernah kehabisan skenario tentang cara mendatangkan orang-orang baru di lingkaran kehidupan kita. Apakah dengan menempatkan kami berdua di kampus yang sama membuat kami otomatis bisa langsung ngobrol ngalor ngidur ngobrolin jodoh yang entah kapan datang serta perasaan-perasaan yang telah hambar? Nope. It took time.

I've never expected that eventually I get to know this buddy even more. And when I did, it was nothing but thankful.

Kira-kira September tahun lalu, aku bikin tulisan disini tentang seorang teman luar biasa yang kehidupannya lebih dari sekedar inspirasi, Puspita Alwi. Aku ngepost dia di instagram, numpang bikin caption super panjang di kosan orang yang akan dideskripsikan di postingan ini. Terus disaat lagi ngobrol-ngobrol itu, anak ini tiba-tiba bilang "Ngek, bikinin juga Dhayi tulisan kayak gini di blog Ngek ya. Ntar pas dhayi ulang tahun lah biar surprise!"

As I remembered, September tahun lalu itu kami memang sudah dekat. Tapi aku selalu punya alasan atas apa yang aku kerjakan. Apalagi perkara menceritakan seseorang di blog ini. I'm not saying I'm picky, but unconsciously aku mikir, seinspiratif/seberharga/se-precious apa sih seorang teman ini sehingga aku mau meluangkan satu dari sekian postingan di blog ini, didedikasikan untuk dia? 

And I should say. Saat itu aku belum punya alasan yang cukup. Untunglah dia melanjutkan dengan kata-kata "Ntar pas dhayi ulang tahun lah-". Okay. Time always heals and makes everything.

And Time, it really did its fate.


......


Dia adalah seseorang yang.. terlihat selalu bahagia. Yang selalu punya bercandaan paling receh tapi bikin ketawa. Ketika kamu kelimpahan cinta dan kasih sayang dari orang paling dekat yang kamu punya di dunia, orang tua, then the only thing you know you should do is to share that love to other people. And yes, she did it. It's always fun everytime she told me about her parents who never got angry with her. Bagaimana orangtuanya seakan selalu 'menjaga', meng-'keep' perasaannya. It's quite unique I guess because I personally think that kind of people usually ended up being 'manja'. But this friend is exactly not one of those.

Dia adalah seseorang yang.. sangat menyenangkan. Dia selalu punya cara untuk dekat dengan orang disekitarnya, dengan orang dari latarbelakang berbeda, dengan orang dari pemahaman berbeda. Dia punya that kind of aura yang bikin orang disekitarnya itu merasa nyaman.

Kita pasti punya selingkupan orang-orang terdekat. Selanjutnya, kita punya lagi selingkupan orang yang lebih dekat, on another level. Selingkupan orang yang menjadi sasaran pertama disegala hal. Orang pertama yang tahu ini, orang pertama yang tahu itu. And this particular friend of mine, congratulation for joining this gold-circle of me! Congratulation for eventually being mentioned on this blog! Dia menjadi satu dari tiga teman terpenting dari tahapan hidup terkrisis dalam 21 tahun aku hidup, tahapan 'pencarian jati diri'. Dia adalah teman sesama penggemar top-five. What  is top-five? It's a vocabulary that only us know what it means. Dia adalah teman pertama yang aku hubungi saat Mbah meninggal dan aku harus segera take off ke Jawa di H-3 ujian. Dia adalah teman pertama yang tahu saat aku jatuh hati pada kebaikan 'seseorang'. Dia adalah satu-satunya teman yang menyaksikan percakapan via teleponku dengan 'seseorang' yang aku sudah berpisah 3 tahun dengannya. Dia adalah satu dari dua teman yang aku kirim email rahasia, yang yang hanya boleh dibuka kalau aku sudah cabut dari dunia ini nantinya. (Incase I live shorter than what I expected)

Dia adalah seseorang yang semoga aku bisa berteman baik dengannya selama di bumi hingga di Jannah nantinya. Dia adalah teman yang apabila aku tidak menemukannya di surga, selama Allah mengizinkan, aku akan pastikan untuk mencarinya. Semoga dia tetap menjadi dia yang saat ini, dan tidak akan pernah berubah melainkan kearah kebaikan.


I always believe that the greatest thing someone ever give was a their own writing. So with this late but sincere paragrapghs, I bring along this bunch of Du'a for you:

Oh Allah, may this year lets her get to know herself better and may it lets her to get to know her best friends and her family beter and may it makes strangers close friends. May she has just as many laugh as tears. May she smiles broadly everyday. May she learns from books and from movies and from family and friends and strangers and from simply living. May she learns every single moment something she didn't know before. May she not just hear, but listen. May she not just see, but observe. May she changes, for the better. May she gets a perfect ending in the hereafter and greets You in Your jannah later.

Aamiin.


To one of 'The Best of the Best'
Dhayika A. Besari







Sunday, March 26, 2017

[SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People



SOURCE : hawramani.com. 


Complete series of Self Helps :
2. [SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

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(MUST-READ ESSAY!)


INTRODUCTION

There is a surprising amount of confusion among the religious, even among clerics and scholars, when it comes to understanding why evil exists and why God stands aside when so much suffering happens throughout the world. I’ve heard nothing but lame excuses and naive, illogical reasoning from them when they try to justify the existence of evil.

Most of us express wonder when we see some horrible catastrophe happen, or when we see evil individuals, companies and institutions wield so much power. Some people even go so far as to blame God for the evil things that exist in this world, since if God had desired, He could have prevented such things from existing or happening in the first place. Others take this even further, using the existence of evil as proof of God’s non-existence. How can a good and supposedly all-powerful God stand by while so much evil happens? Where is our God?

I cannot follow a self-contradictory, unpredictable and illogical God, which is what God is as taught by many teachers of religion. Since I do not fit the criteria for becoming an atheist (being intelligent enough to reject the incoherent religion taught by my parents and teachers, but not intelligent enough to fix these incoherences and find my own path to God), what I have done throughout my life is to go back to Scripture and re-invent God based on its teachings, getting rid of all the cultural baggage that has entered into common religious belief to go back to the focus of all religion: The Understanding and Worship of God.

There are good, perfectly logical explanations for these things, deep explanations that elucidate the purpose of this universe, our place in it, and our relationship with God, and through this give us perfectly good reasons for the existence of evil.


Why Evil Exists

What is the point of the existence of this world anyway? Many mistakenly think that the purpose of this world is to be a permanent residence where people judge whether God exists or not. They think that they can gauge God’s “level” of existence by the things that happen around them, so that given the right set of events, they will decide He is alive and active, and given others, they will decide He doesn’t exist, because if He existed, the world wouldn’t be the way it is.

A friend said that he once went on a trip abroad, and before he left, he asked God to protect three things that were most important to him in his life. During his trip, he lost all three, which included the dying of loved ones, and this made him decide that God doesn’t exist. He is a Buddhist now.

The above case is an example of earth-centric thinking, that considers this world a goal in itself. This is the core mistake that leads to millions of people misunderstanding, even disliking, God. That is a mistake because this world is nothing besides a testing hall where humans can freely choose to do as they like, to prove their worthiness of God’s approval or wrath. This world is not meant to be a permanent residence.

Most religions teach that an end of the world is coming. Regardless of religion, the universe is on track to become a dark, lifeless mass as the stars and galaxies die out. Everything is going to end, and what remains is the record of our deeds, kept by God. Even if we manage to create the greatest empire on earth, or write the most wonderful novel, none of our accomplishments will last.

One day the universe will shut down as if it never existed, and on that day what significance can our achievements have? This world is not meant as a permanent home of peace, but as a test. And a test requires that the possibility of failure should exist. If all humans acted according to God’s wishes, evil would not exist. But since God has given humans the freedom to disobey Him, they have the ability to do evil.

God is good, and evil is the absence of goodness, the same way that darkness is the absence of light. If God is Light, we cannot blame Him for the darkness we encounter when we turn away from Him, distance ourselves from Him, and act against His wishes.
Why didn’t God make the universe a place of wholesome goodness lacking in the possibility for evil? Because if evil could not exist, humans wouldn’t truly be free beings.
To be free, humans require the freedom to act against God along with the freedom to act for His sake. God wants to give humans perfect freedom to act and grow, so that they can be the best or the worst they want to be. Since humans have the freedom to act against God, and since to act against God is to create evil, humans have been given the freedom to create evil.

God did not make this world a perfect place because that is not its purpose. Imagine if you were a maker of creatures. If the creatures you made were controlled by their nature to do exactly what you put in them to do, they could never be truly your friends. They would be subservient robot-like machines that cannot help doing whatever you put in them to do.

But imagine if one day you wanted something more. You wanted to make creatures that could truly be your friends. The only way to have a true friend is to create a creature that can choose whether to be your friend or not. And so, you make creatures with free will, who can act according to whatever they wish, rather than according to your programming. Some of these creatures will choose to be your friends, others will ignore you, others will choose to be your enemies. They may fight among themselves, doing much evil to one another, and blaming you, their creator, for the evil they do, when in truth they should blame themselves, for they are the ones choosing to act the way they do. They have the freedom to be good, and many of them choose to be good, but some of them  choose to be evil instead.

The only thing we can blame God for is His creating us and giving us the freedom to be evil. This is a pointless blame. This is our reality and our fate, we cannot escape it. We have been thrown into this game regardless of our wishes, a game that forces us to choose to be either good or evil. We can debate the ethics of forcing people to choose between good and evil. But at the end of the day, we are forced to play this game. There is no dropping out.

( read this OR directly watch this )

Our Creator has done this to us, possibly against our will, but we cannot get hung up over this fact, because our future holds something very important: Either eternal reward, or eternal punishment. Blaming God will not help our future. It may make us feel better now to hate God as so many do, but by making us think badly of God, this will reduce our chances of future success. The future is coming whether we want it to or not, and we have the power to make it a good or a bad future.

Not all evil is done by humans. Droughts, floods and other natural disasters can cause much evil and suffering, and we can lose loved ones through car accidents and illnesses. Why doesn’t God prevent these things from happening if He loves us? Because, in order for the testing hall that is this world to be a true and consistent place of testing, God shouldn’t interfere with the functioning of nature. The laws of nature should behave in such a way that makes sense even without reference to God. If we were as intelligent as we are, and yet we saw that nothing bad ever happened on earth, no car accidents, no illnesses, nothing, that everyone died in old age of natural causes, then this would be undeniable evidence of the existence of a higher power that protects humans.

God wants us to have the possibility of being atheists. It is one of God’s self-imposed rules that it should be impossible to directly detect His existence. And that requires that the functioning of this world should make perfect sense according to predictable scientific laws.

God wants us to believe in Him without seeing Him or knowing that He truly exists, because if it were possible to prove His existence, it would reduce our freedom to act against Him. God wants our universe to seem to make perfect sense without any necessity for His existence. This way we are given the freedom to discover Him and His Scriptures, and through our knowledge and conscience, we gain the ability to either follow His way or disbelieve in Him. Once we are given this knowledge, there is no turning away from the choice between good and evil.

God wants our test to be a perfect test, in which we have perfect freedom to be good or evil. This would allow us to take credit for our actions. If God’s existence were proven, we’d be turned into slaves who cannot help but do as He says. We’d become merchants who act in our best interests by following God’s commandments. This is not what God wants. God wants us to be honored creatures who befriend Him not because we are forced to, but because we choose to. This is what gives worth to our friendship.

There is little honor in an employee acting according to his or her boss’s wishes, this is the expected behavior. While even this amount of obedience to a boss justifies reward, so that even if we had proof of God’s existence, we could still be rewarded for obeying Him, God wants to take us beyond this boss-employee relationship. He wants to raise us to the status of honored friends, who act out of love and friendship, and out of our own efforts toward remembrance of God, rather than acting out of practical compulsion.

God wants us to be the servant who continues to love and serve his master, even though the master goes away for years, decades. What incredible honor and reward can await such a servant who faithfully loves and serves his absent master for 50 or 60 years, until he dies, even though the master never returns?

God, by creating the possibility for the existence of true friendship between Himself and the humans He created, had to also create the possibility for the existence of true enmity between Himself and them. He wanted friends, but He knew that they couldn’t truly be called friends unless they had the option to be His enemies.

The evil done by humans on Earth is a doing of humans when they act against God, it is not a doing of God, therefore humans should be blamed, not God. And the evil done by nature is nature’s own doing, caused by the rules of physics, and God does not want to interfere with it because constant interference with nature would cause His existence to become apparent. It is necessary for disasters and accidents to be possible, as these prove to us the validity of nature’s rules, and allows the atheist the freedom to use these to prove that God doesn’t exist.

God and Nature shall always be apart, or seem to be apart, so that each one appears to function without the other. This is necessary, as this is what enables humans the freedom to choose between faith and disbelief, between good and evil. The world needs to make perfect, logical sense without having to refer to God in our thinking. It should be possible for us to believe that the world functions on its own without anything supernatural existing, this is what gives us the freedom to believe and disbelieve in God.

We need to be able to believe that the Master is absent. This is when the true nature of the servant comes through. Bad servants start to misbehave as soon as the Master looks away, and if the Master is away long enough, they entirely give up serving Him. They will start to loot His property and defile His name. But the good and honorable servant, even as he sees all of this happen, continues to have love and loyalty toward his Master. It makes no difference to him even if the Master never comes back. He keeps the remembrance of his Master in his heart, and he admonishes and encourages himself to continue to be the best servant he can be.

The world, the way it is, gives us the perfect opportunity to be this honorable and admirable servant. If evil did not exist, and if bad things did not happen, then there would have been no way for such servants of God to exist. We’d instead all be lowly and menial servants who never had a chance to disobey, and thus never had a chance to prove our loyalty toward God.

A world without evil and disaster would be a dysfunctional testing hall that cannot differentiate between the best and the worst of us. Without evil and disaster, God’s existence would be so clearly visible to us that most of us would cower in front of Him. A few people might be found who are daring enough to disobey God even in such circumstances, but the majority of people would kneel before God as they would before a great emperor, regardless of whether they had any loyalty toward Him.

A world that seems to be ruled by the cold, harsh laws of nature, and that completely hides the existence of God from our eyes, gives us the perfect opportunity to prove our loyalty to God. This world, with all of its problems, is the perfect testing hall that, because of the problems it has.

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

[DAILY LIFE] 'Fighting' The Angel of Death

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SOURCE : Instagram account @jd.moha


Tidak ada yang jauh lebih pengertian, tidak ada yang jauh lebih baik, selain Pencipta kita sendiri.

Allah.


Aku udah lama follow akun seseorang yang foto-fotonya ada dibawah ini. Tapi baru hari ini aku sengaja baca semua captionnya. Dan... i've never found someone yang... such an inspiring human being! Namanya Mohammad JD. Dia adalah seorang humanitarian, volunteer, relawan, part of SAMS (Syrian American Medical Society), dan lain-lainnya. Dia juga adalah anak dari seorang refugees. Kalo ga salah dia ini campuran Palestine-American. Awalnya aku kira dia dokter, ternyata dia nurse. Kehidupannya sehari-hari? Helping those refugees. Kadang langsung terjun ke perbatasan dekat syria, kadang di bagian negara yang lain, kadang di rumah sakit refugees di California. Intinya ya itu, menolong para refugees. 'Fighting' The Angel of Death. Agar mereka tetap hidup dan bisa merasakan kehidupan. 

Lewat tulisan ini, aku akan merangkum some of his great photos & captions yang sangat sangat membantu untuk mengingatkan kita bahwa kita tidak punya hak untuk mengeluh. Tidak punya hak untuk ga bersyukur. Instead we shall treasure every second, every moment, every process, and be grateful..


I strongly suggest you to read this till the end.

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REFUGEE'S LIFE

They call me "The Pulse" of refugee camps. They don't know that they are the heart and blood supply to each beat...
Having come back from taking a dying refugee boy to a hospital in Switzerland as well as speaking at the European parliament in Belgium regarding the #refugeecrisis, I find myself at this moment feeling a bit lost. Happy that we got one boy and his family out, but sad that there are thousands of others just like him stuck in the middle of nowhere all around the world. Politicians debate over innocent people without a damn clue to the daily struggles these people face. No education, proper nutrition, or shelter for children, pregnant women, and elderly. The many cold winter nights spent in a tent without any access to heat. Many mornings without breakfast and many evenings without dinner.. Many sick days without medication and many lonely days without company.... It's just no way to live. The children are starving and you would NEVER accept this for your child, but turn a blind eye when it happens to others? 
I promise that I will never forget those who think they have been forgotten. I promise that the whole world is going to know what these eyes have seen.....

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Mr. Trump,
Let me tell you a little about me and what I've been up to lately here in America. I'm a product of a #refugee father, and an #immigrant mother. What has been going on in America has hurt me deeply. This country was built on immigrants and children of immigrants. If it were not for its doors being open to my parents, I would not be here. I recognize this fully and I give back to the people of this country with passion, compassion, and hard work. I've gone many nights without sleep in this rescue truck helping save American lives. I've put my life on the line numerous times for others. I have injured myself on the job and it was all for others. Many instances, I've put in 24...48... and even 72 hours non stop for the people of this country, fielding calls at 2am and picking up trauma calls all over Chicago and the rest of illinois. The #muslimban is unconstitutional on so many levels. These people are fleeing war and murder. These people are here for a second chance. A second chance you are shutting the door on. There are many out there waiting to create a new life here just like my parents had done with me, giving me a chance to succeed and make an impact in America. These refugees want to do the same thing I'm doing and more. So welcome them in for open hearts. I promise you, their impact will echo loud and in a very positive way. I promise that they and WE WILL shine... shine.... shine!! Into the light!!!




To all the strong, powerful and beautiful women out there, keep pushing! Keep motivating men to be better and to do better. This is strength. This is resilience. 
This is a portrait of Sky Bird Black Owl. The first woman to give birth at the Standing Rock resistance camp in Cannon Ball, ND. She named her baby "Mni Wiconi" which means "water is life".




"My friend! My friend!!" Smiling and laughing trying to grab my attention as I walk to the clinic thinking I was a foreigner who did not speak their language (Arabic). This picture strikes me every time I look at it because these six kids could of been in the back of that ambulance just like that little boy last week who's photo shook the world. Kids.. They have a way with making even the most terrible situations easy... I see hope in this picture. I see resilience in this picture. I see courage and no fear in this picture. Children have a beautiful way of showing us what humanity is all about. Once again, this is my reminder to everyone who thinks they have it bad, to take a look at the other side of the waters.... Hug your children and loved ones, because the only difference between them and us is plain simple: They were born with a Syrian passport, an Iraqi passport, etc.. and we were not... I consider myself lucky and you as the reader should too. Having a bad day or know someone who is? I hope this cheers you and them up, because looking at it cheers me up and puts a smile on my face. I'm #palestinian
But these people are blood and family to me. Feel free to share this message and share their struggle. 

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Children are the biggest victims of war in my opinion.. Over 3.7 million children were born into the conflict that is happening in Syria till this day. Thousands have died in between. You try to do the best you can to make them forget about the horror they have seen. Here I find myself showing them how big our ambulances are back in the states. Many of these children were not vaccinated, severely malnourished, and had no formal education over the past couple of years. It's truly a sad situation that you would never want for your kids. I've looked father's in the eyes and wiped tears off of their faces because they felt like failures when they looked at what has happend with their families and with their kids. It was truly heart breaking... People need to know what's going on with the rest of the world. Over 7 million refugees are stuck in Turkey, Jordan, Lebanon, and scattered all accross Europe. Raising awareness and being aware of the situation is truly the first step. Action is the second! Spread the word.

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I told myself that I was NOT going to post pictures like this (I did not know this was taken of me when all of the kids approached me till it was showed to me later) BUT I hope this sheds some light on the Syrian refugee crisis situation. Today was day 1 for me in the Refugee camp at Idomeni aka "Europe's catastrophe" ... With the men, you feel a sense of sadness, and a sense of lost hope... Lost hope that they won't be able to provide for their families as they once use to.. Lost hope that their kids won't get the education they deserve.. To the extremes, lost hope of a future... With the women and mothers.. I felt a sense of strength.. THEY knew they needed to be strong to hold everybody in the family together.. They stand tall despite the struggles. With the kids... The kids had the most beautiful smiles that I have ever seen. They radiated energy and hope throughout the camp... The smiles that were badly needed because the situation is so severe.. More than I had imagined... It seems to be tense and changing day by day with the Macedonia borders closing, which ultimately forced many refugees to be stuck in Greece. Throughout all of this, there was an intense raw feeling of watching humans fight to survive.. Humans beings that just wanted to live another day.... The situation is sad, and everyone is trying to remain hopeful. Only time will tell...