[SELF HELP] 22 MILLION IN 6 MONTHS!!

Complete series of Self Helps :

1. [SELF HELP] Kamu itu.. siapa?

2. [SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

3. [SELF HELP] Greatest Blessing

4. [SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat

5. [SELF HELP] Mature with Damage, Not Years

6. [SELF HELP] Consistent, The HARDEST Battle

7. [SELF HELP] 22 MILLION IN 6 MONTHS!!

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Postingan ini bermula dari 'kejadian' pada tanggal 14 Juli 2018. Di suatu weekend yang cerah, dimana w iseng-iseng mengutak-atik aplikasi Money Manager di HP. Ngeliat pengeluaran bulan ini udah berapa dan masih cukup berbangga karena angkanya tidak sefantastis bulan sebelumnya. Tapi semua menjadi mengerikan ketika w melihat total pengeluaran tahunan. Dimana terhitung tanggal 1 Januari hingga 14 Juli 2018, I've spent a fcking 22 MILLION RUPIAHS.

Rp. 22.000.000 (dengan pembulatan). Sudah termasuk tiket pesawat PP Jakarta-Padang 2x. Sudah termasuk hedon beli buku di BBW. Sudah termasuk segala-galanya KECUALI UKT BUAT BAYAR KOAS PER SEMESTER yang angkanya sebaiknya tidak usah disebut. 

Memang setiap bulan angkanya beda-beda. Tapi kalo dihitung sama rata perbulan, berarti w sudah menghabiskan rata-rata 3 juta sekian perbulan.

ITU SETARA GAJI ISHIP. ALAMAK.

Dan untuk seorang anak manusia berusia 23 tahun, I think thats kinda abnormal. That's horrible.

Oke. Setiap orang punya baseline masing-masing. Setiap orang punya basic ekonomi yang berbeda. Mungkin 22 juta dalam 6,5 bulan buat some people out there adalah angka yang biasa aja atau bahkan so sedikit, mungkin skincare harian mereka aja sekelas SK-II yang harganya jutaan. Mungkin. But as for me, yang biasa-biasa aja. Yang gak setajir bule-bule arab, yang masi liat-liat harga menu makanan kalo lagi pergi hangout, yang masi kesel dengan harga Iced Tea yang 10.000 meanwhile jika namanya Teh Es harganya 3.000, yang satu-satunya skincare mehong yang dipunya adalah Bioderma Micellar Water 500ml seharga 341.000 yang dihemat makenya sampe 6 bulan,

...it matters. Really.

W udah 23 tahun dan perempuan dan anak pertama. Gimana cara w ngurusin perkara rumah tangga kalo pengeluaran buat w sendiri aja udah setidak terkontrol ini? Oke. Kejauhan mikirnya. Ntar kalo w iship dengan gaji 3jt an perbulan, dan langsung habis di setiap akhir bulannya, ntar modal dikehidupan selanjutnya mau minta darimana? Orang tua? Shame on me. Mungkin mereka bakal ngasih. Tapi dimana letak otak w? Di anus? 

Akhirnya w mulai berpikir panjang. Lebih panjang dari jalan Anyer-Panarukan. Ternyata ada banyak sekali hal dasar yang terkait dari sekedar mengatur keuangan.

It trains us to be more aware.

Belajar puasa duit.

Belajar teguh sama prinsip diri sendiri, ga ikut-ikutan orang.

Belajar menentukan skala prioritas, memilah mana yang urgent, mana yang not so urgent, dan mana yang ga penting sama sekali.

Belajar menjadi orang yang tidak impulsif.

Belajar menahan nafsu, ga semuanya harus diturutin.

Belajar nahan nafsu abis ngeliat beauty vlogger nge-review sebuah produk skincare muahal yang bikin muka licin kek lantai abis dipel, padahal skincare belasan ribu yang lo punya udah cukup bikin muka lo mulus kek pantat bayi.

Belajar nahan lapar ngeliat orang sebelah mesan buffet yang sekali makan ngabisin duit 260k meanwhile kita cuma mesen pecel lele 20ribuan.

Belajar menghilangkan stigma "ah kan sekali-kali." Iya, sekali-kali kalo dikerjain tiap hari jadinya berkali-kali. Beras sebiji kalo ditumpuk jadi sekarung. Berat.

Dan yang paling penting dan esensial lagi adalah belajar ikhlas untuk bersedekah ga pakai recehan. Ga usah pake standar tinggi-tinggi, gausah langsung nyoba sedekah 50ribu tapi abis itu nyesel dalam hati. Belajar ikhlas bersedekah dengan selembar duit 5ribu/10ribu tanpa mengambil kembalian sepeserpun aja kayaknya udah luar biasa.

Atau belajar membeli jajanan dari pedagang kecil yang sebenernya kita ga butuh, dari nenek-nenek renta yang udah bungkuk yang masih keliling kompleks jualan keripik cabe, demi tidak mengemis.

Ketika infaq/sedekah yang lo keluarkan ga sampe 1% total pengeluaran lo, ntar diakhirat ditanya Tuhan, mau jawab apa?

Read More

[SELF HELP] Consistent, The HARDEST Battle

(photo source: shutterstock)

Complete series of Self Helps :

1. [SELF HELP] Kamu itu.. siapa?

2. [SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

3. [SELF HELP] Greatest Blessing

4. [SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat

5. [SELF HELP] Mature with Damage, Not Years

6. [SELF HELP] Consistent, The HARDEST Battle

7. [SELF HELP] 22 MILLION IN 6 MONTHS!!

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C : Bang, lagi apa?

A : Biasa. Job.

C : Oh.

A : Kenapa?

C : Aku boleh ganggu nggak?

A : Kenapa emangnya?

C : Mau curhat aja.

A : Sekarang banget?

C : Ya makanya aku tanya. Boleh apa nggak sekarang..

A : Berat banget?

C : Apanya?

A : Masalahnya?

C : Sama aku iya. Sama abang kayaknya nggak.

A : Emangnya tentang apa?

C : Tentang kehidupan.

A : Tumben. 

C : Serius niih..

A : Yaudah bentar ya. 10 menit lagi.

C : Ok.

A : Jadi gimana?

C : Nggg. Darimana ya mulainya.

A : ..............

C : Kok aku rasanya akhir-akhir ini gak becus banget ya bang?

A : Gak becus ngapain?

C : Gak becus ngurus diri sendiri.

A : Emangnya kenapa?

C : Rasanya susaaaaaah banget buat disiplin-konsisten-komitmen-istiqamah ngerjain sesuatu itu.

A : Oh. Itu toh.

C : Semuanya serba keteteran. Ini ga selesai. Yang itu ga kekejar. Shalat cuma formalitas. Rasanya kayak gabut dan hectic disaat yang bersamaan.

A : ...........

C : Rasanya kayak punya waktu yang cukup banyak buat ngerjain semuanya tapi sebenernya nggak. Akhirnya jadi santai-santai. Pas udah terdesak baru mintak mati. Stres sendiri. Stres yang harusnya ga terjadi kalo aku bisa lebih disiplin dikit. Bisa lebih paham kalo waktu yang tersedia itu sebenernya ga sebanyak yang aku kira.

A : Hmmm.

C : Aku seperti terlalu banyak ngabisin waktu yang objectively ga berfaedah. Awalnya seperti ngasih pembelaan atau reward ke diri sendiri, "gapapa, istirahat aja dulu. Nonton dikit." Rayuan '5 menit' yang menipu. Kalo udah begitu, fokusnya jadi berubah. "Ah, bisalah nanti PPT nya dikerjain pas mau tidur. Kan tinggal copas aja." / "Ah, bisalah ya nge-printnya besok pagi aja sekalian berangkat." Terus besokannya jadi panik sendiri. Jadi daily hypercortisolism.

A : .........

C : Solat itu bener-bener kerasa kayak buat menuhi kewajiban aja. Feel 'bertemu Dia' nya ga dapet lagi. Ngaji kalo pas lagi sempat aja. Amal yaumi yang lain? Jangan ditanya. Ga kebangun subuh, ga sempat sahur, gajadi puasa. Duha apalagi. Tahajud mengenaskan. Gimana ya. Rasanya menjalani hari itu kayak semacam formalitas aja. 

A : ..........

C : Padahal pemahaman aku rasanya udah pas. Checklist harian udah ada. Bener-bener tok, tinggal ngerjainnya aja. Visinya udah ada. Misinya yang ga jalan-jalan. Sekalinya mulai, ntar berhenti lagi. Membiasakannya, mendisiplinkannya, rasanya tu susaaaaah banget.

A : ............

C : Gimana tu bang? Kayak mana caranya?

A : Cara apa?

C : Ya ituuuu, yang aku ceritain panjang lebar barusaaaan.

A : Ooo.

C : ................

A : Bentar ya, abang minum dulu. Haus.

C : Heeh. Yang ngomong siapa yang haus siapa.

C : Udahan hausnya?
A : Udah.
C : ...............
A : Sebenarnya perihal konsisten-komitmen-disiplin-istiqamah itu masalahnya sederhana. Kamu lupa kalo kamu cuma numpang hidup sebentar doang di dunia. Kamu lupa kalo total waktu yang kamu punya di dunia bahkan tidak lebih dari 1 hari di Padang Mahsyar.  Kamu lupa kalo kamu ga punya waktu banyak dan atas jatah waktu yang sedikit itu, nanti kamu bakal disidang, kamu gunakan untuk apa waktunya, sesingkat apapun itu. Dan yang lebih parahnya lagi, kamu lupa kalo Dia Maha Melihat dan Selalu Melihat. 
C : ................
A : Udah.
C : Ha? Gitu doang?
A : Iya. Ngapain panjang-panjang. Intinya juga sama.
C : ...............
A : ...............
C : ...............
A : Mangat ya!

Read More

[SELF HELP] Mature with Damage, Not Years

Complete series of Self Helps :

1. [SELF HELP] Kamu itu.. siapa?

2. [SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

3. [SELF HELP] Greatest Blessing

4. [SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat

5. [SELF HELP] Mature with Damage, Not Years

6. [SELF HELP] Consistent, The HARDEST Battle

7. [SELF HELP] 22 MILLION IN 6 MONTHS!!

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7 tulisan dibawah ini aku ambil dari salah satu akun LINE@ paling berfaedah menurutku: Human Development. Tapi sayangnya akhir-akhir ini mereka ga terlalu sering update. Semoga tetap bertahan dan keep inspiring yha :"

Zona Waktu

Papua 2 jam lebih awal dari Jakarta, tapi tidak berarti Jakarta lambat atau Papua cepat. Keduanya bekerja sesuai "Zona Waktu"nya masing-masing.

Ada orang yang masih sendiri. Ada yang nikah sudah beberapa kali. Ada orang yang menikah dan harus menunggu 10 tahun untuk memiliki momongan. Ada juga yang memiliki momongan dalam setahun usia pernikahannya.

Ada orang yang lulus kuliah di usia 22th, tapi menunggu 5 tahun utk mendapatkan pekerjaan tetap; yang lainnya lulus di usia 27th dan langsung bekerja.

Seseorang menjadi CEO di usia 25 dan meninggal di usia 50 disaat yg lain menjadi CEO di usia 50 dan hidup hingga usia 90th.

Setiap orang bekerja sesuai "Zona Waktu"nya masing-masing.

Seseorang bisa mencapai banyak hal dengan kecepatannya masing-masing.
Bekerjalah sesuai "Zona Waktu" kita.

Kolega kita, teman-teman, dan adik kelas kita mungkin "tampak" lebih maju. Mungkin yang lainnya "tampak" di belakang kita.

Setiap orang di dunia ini berlari di perlombaannya sendiri-sendiri, jalurnya sendiri-sendiri, dalam waktunya masing-masing. Allah punya rencana berbeda untuk masing-masing orang. Waktu berbeda untuk setiap orang. 

Obama pensiun dari presiden di usianya yang ke 55, dan Trump menjadi presiden di usianya  yang ke 70.

Jangan iri kepada mereka atau mengejeknya...

Itu "Zona Waktu" mereka.
Kita pun berada di "Zona Waktu" kita sendiri.

Kita tidak terlambat. Kita tidak lebih cepat. Kita punya zona waktu sendiri.

Selamat menikmati waktunya Allah.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/margaret-paul-phd/the-difference-between-happiness-and-pleasure_b_7053946.html

The Difference Between Happiness and Pleasure

We are a pleasure seeking society. Most of us spend our energy seeking pleasure and avoiding pain. We hope that by doing this, we will feel happy. Yet deep, abiding happiness and joy elude so many people.

There is a huge difference between happiness and pleasure. Pleasure is a momentary feeling that comes from something external — a good meal, our stocks going up, making love and so on. Pleasure has to do with the positive experiences of our senses, and with good things happening. Pleasurable experiences can give us momentary feelings of happiness, but this happiness does not last long because it is dependent upon external events and experiences. We have to keep on having the good experiences — more food, more drugs or alcohol, more money, more sex, more things — in order to feel pleasure. As a result, many people become addicted to these external experiences, needing more and more to feel a short-lived feeling of happiness.

Thomas sought my counseling services because he “had everything” — his own successful business, a lovely wife and children, a beautiful home, and time to enjoy life. Yet he was not happy. While he had momentary feelings of pleasure while watching a ball game or socializing with his friends, he also felt anxious and depressed much of the time. In fact, the anxiety had become so bad that he was having almost constant stomach pain, which his doctor told him was from stress.

As we worked together, it became apparent that Thomas’s main desire in life was to have control over people and events. He wanted others to do things his way and to believe the way he believed. He was frequently judgmental with his employees, wife, children and friends, believing that he was right and they were wrong and it was his job to straighten them out with his judgment and criticism. His energy would become hard and tough and he would be like a steamroller in his efforts to get his point across and get others to do things his way. When it worked and others gave in, Thomas felt a momentary pang of pleasure. But the pain in his stomach kept getting worse and worse, which is why he decided to consult with me.

Thomas also wanted control over his own feelings, and would often judge himself as harshly as he judged others in an effort to get himself to perform well and to feel okay. He especially judged himself harshly when he felt rejected by others, frequently telling himself that he was an inadequate jerk and a loser.

As we worked together, Thomas began to see that happiness is the result of choosing to be a kind, caring, compassionate and gentle person with himself and others - quite the opposite of the judgmental, controlling person he had chosen to be. Thomas learned that happiness is the natural result of being present in each moment with love and kindness toward himself and others, rather than with being attached to the outcome of things and trying to control the outcome regarding events and others’ behavior. He discovered that he felt deep joy whenever he let go of control and chose caring instead. The anxiety in his stomach went away whenever his intention was to be a kind and caring person rather than a controlling one.

It is not easy to shift out of the deep devotion to control and become devoted to love and compassion toward oneself and others, and most people need much support to make this shift. Our ego wounded self has been practicing control since we were very little. Yet the moment our intent is to control, our heart closes and we feel alone and anxious inside. Our intent to seek safety and pleasure through controlling others, outcomes, and our own feelings leads to an inner feeling of abandonment and emptiness. We abandon ourselves when we are trying to control our feelings rather than be kind and compassionate with ourselves. Our anxiety and feelings of emptiness lead to more seeking outside ourselves to fill up with pleasurable experiences. The momentary pleasure leads to addictive behavior.

As we learn to shift our intent from controlling and not being controlled, to becoming loving to ourselves and others, the heart opens and joy is the result. Deep and abiding happiness and joy are the natural result of operating from the spiritual values of caring, compassion and kindness.

Source: http://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

Also watch this video to feel the happiness from gratitude: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHv6vTKD6lg

Giving Thanks, Can Make You Happier!

The word gratitude is derived from the Latin word gratia, which means grace, graciousness, or gratefulness (depending on the context). In some ways gratitude encompasses all of these meanings. Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what an individual receives, whether tangible or intangible. With gratitude, people acknowledge the goodness in their lives. In the process, people usually recognize that the source of that goodness lies at least partially outside themselves. As a result, gratitude also helps people connect to something larger than themselves as individuals — whether to other people, nature, or a higher power.

In positive psychology research, gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.

People feel and express gratitude in multiple ways. They can apply it to the past (retrieving positive memories and being thankful for elements of childhood or past blessings), the present (not taking good fortune for granted as it comes), and the future (maintaining a hopeful and optimistic attitude). Regardless of the inherent or current level of someone’s gratitude, it’s a quality that individuals can successfully cultivate further.

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Gratitude is a way for people to appreciate what they have instead of always reaching for something new in the hopes it will make them happier, or thinking they can’t feel satisfied until every physical and material need is met. Gratitude helps people refocus on what they have instead of what they lack. And, although it may feel contrived at first, this mental state grows stronger with use and practice.

Here are some ways to cultivate gratitude on a regular basis.

• Write a thank-you note. You can make yourself happier and nurture your relationship with another person by writing a thank-you letter expressing your enjoyment and appreciation of that person’s impact on your life. Send it, or better yet, deliver and read it in person if possible. Make a habit of sending at least one gratitude letter a month. Once in a while, write one to yourself.

• Thank someone mentally. No time to write? It may help just to think about someone who has done something nice for you, and mentally thank the individual.

• Keep a gratitude journal. Make it a habit to write down or share with a loved one thoughts about the gifts you’ve received each day.

• Count your blessings. Pick a time every week to sit down and write about your blessings — reflecting on what went right or what you are grateful for. Sometimes it helps to pick a number — such as three to five things — that you will identify each week. As you write, be specific and think about the sensations you felt when something good happened to you.

• Pray. People who are religious can use prayer to cultivate gratitude.

• Meditate. Mindfulness meditation involves focusing on the present moment without judgment. Although people often focus on a word or phrase (such as “peace”), it is also possible to focus on what you’re grateful for (the warmth of the sun, a pleasant sound, etc.).

So, be thankful!

We Mature with Damage, Not Years

Every year on the day I turn older I always write a letter to myself. Be it a pile of reflective essay or just a short note I keep safe in my laptop. The majority of people think that older means wiser, but hell no. It never depends solely on age. Each time I look back, something different soothes my nerves. Sometimes it’s because of the change of what used to be firmly grounded yet stubborn understanding or the fleeting awareness that lead me to cry for happiness or sadness or anything in between.

Everything I write captures any peak experience, mental breakdown, a change of heart, endless debate in my head or maybe just simple small-cumulative improvements. At certain point I might laugh because I was annoyingly stupid last year or I might be torn because the changes that happened are just too much to take. Whenever I reread those things, there’s one thing I realize, the ultimate teacher of my being is the damage that ever happened to me.

It might sound like a grievous way to look at it, but I just wanna provide another way to look at it. Many successful thinkers develop from a turning point in where they contemplate what life has done to them and what would they do afterwards.

Alfred Adler worked on inferiority complex after the years of miserable childhood. He was a sickly child who thought that he’s ugly, small, and had severe rivalry with his brother yet he became the president of Vienna Psychoanalytic Society. Carl Jung entered his dark years after his friendship with Freud fell apart, became depressed, and couldn’t read any scientific books, yet he developed his own theory of personality after all. Karen Horney’s marriage disintegrated and she attempted to commit suicide a few times, yet she built her own organization, became the first psychoanalytic feminist, and wrote a book designed to help people solve their own problem. 

It’s, like what they said, always the darkest before dawn.

The thing is, we don’t even know if it’s already the darkest time or when the dark time will end. I find life is like throwing a dice where no matter how smart you are in counting probabilities of good lucks and bad lucks, reality might just prove you wrong.

This is a reminder for me, or anyone who needs. When good lucks strike, practice the gratitude over the small things and smile. Smile so hard that your jaw gets tired, laugh out loud to all silly jokes, crystallize every moment of contentment and keep it safe so that you could always look back at the good times you’ve left behind. While when the uninvited bad lucks come in to your house, don’t sweat over it. Welcome it with a sincere hug and never let it slips away without any lessons learned. Never let anything go unexamined because according to Socrates, unexamined life is not worth living. You can’t deny damages just like you can’t deny blessings.

People tend to look away and throw away damages just like garbage, but there’s a simple way to deal with it: recycle. Damages that rooted from discrepancy between expectation & reality, pang of jealousy, abundant disappointment, and harsh obstacles of pastime. It all never goes to waste. It turned into a catalyst in which you could grow up faster than what you could imagine.

By being damaged, you would discover your true self. You will find out “Oh this is what I want, this is what I’m passionate about.” or “Oh this is the thing that’d hurt me most. I don’t wanna do that anymore.” Also, by dwelling the damages, you learn to what extent you differentiate between the things you could change and the things you couldn’t.

Sometimes you want to be aloof, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you want to talk to endless pages, sometimes you want to talk to a crowd. Sometimes you want to spend the night working hard or just sleep 12 hours straight. Sometimes you could speak like a president, sometimes you ought to swallow all the words and leave it unspoken. Sometimes you should stand up for yourself no matter what, sometimes you need to be selfless. Sometimes you need to break down your walls so you could say yes, sometimes you could just use the weapon no underneath your tongue. It took years for me to realize that the guy who said no pain no gain was a genius. Because you know, who wants pain?

Behind all the bruises and pain there lies an unbeatable armor you could use.

You just need to open your eyes.

Rezeki Itu Punya Banyak Nama


Kalau dipikir-pikir umur 20 itu kumpulan hal-hal pertama buatku pribadi. Pertama kali keluar dari zona nyaman ketika K2N, tinggal di masyarakat dan mulai mengerti bahwa sangat tidak gampang mengubah sesuatu. Pertama kali memberanikan diri hidup sedinamis itu yang akhirnya membuatku bisa berkenalan dengan banyak orang baru. Pertama kali belajar kerja sambil kuliah. Pertama kali mencoba untuk sedikit demi sedikit jadi idealis yang pragmatis.

Ada banyak sekali hal yang dulu aku sebut dalam doa. Setiap kali aku berdoa untuk ego aku sendiri, kepentingan aku sendiri, itu hampir gak pernah dikabulkan. Tapi ketika hal yang aku inginkan dalam doa itu sesuatu yang meringankan beban orang tua aku, membuat aku jadi lebih dewasa, atau mengajarkan aku untuk bersyukur atas hal-hal kecil, semua itu dengan mudah dikabulkan. Dan karena itu Allah mempermudah jalan aku untuk tidak berkutat dengan hal-hal yang tidak perlu dan tidak substansial.

Di umur ini aku belajar bahwa semua pujian dan kritik itu ujian. Pencapaian dan kegagalan itu ujian. Jadi, namanya berkah terbesar itu bukan uang, pamor, atau hal materiil lainnya, tapi kesempatan kita untuk belajar apa pun yang terjadi.

Aku belajar ternyata aku selalu bisa keluar dari jeratan masalah dan kerumitan pikiranku sendiri. Bahwa ternyata hidup selalu memulangkan cahayanya. Kalau kita jatuh ke jurang, ya tanamlah bunga di sana. Kalau kita dibuang ke laut oleh seseorang, ya jadilah penyelam yang baik. Kalau kita dibuat kesakitan, ya ciptakan keindahan dari hal paling sedih sekalipun. Kalau kita gagal, ya izinkanlah diri kita gagal karena bukti, bukan karena keraguan kita sendiri.

Aku pikir rezeki aku tahun ini banyak sekali. Allah gak ngasih hadiah yang sifatnya jangka pendek. Tapi semua kemudahan yang sifatnya jangka panjang tiba-tiba hadir tanpa diduga-duga. Bahkan termasuk hal-hal yang tidak pernah aku minta.

Rezeki itu punya banyak nama. Mulai dari keberhasilan kamu melakukan hal yang kamu pikir gak bisa, kesempatan bertemu orang-orang hebat, saat kamu bisa melawan keraguan kamu sendiri, atau sewaktu kamu berhasil melihat situasi tersulit dan perasaan paling kacau sekalipun sebagai peluang untuk berkembang.

Rasa sakit, duka, tidak suka terhadap sesuatu dalam hidup itu manusiawi. Menangislah kalau kamu ingin menangis. Marahlah pada yang tidak memanusiakanmu. Bertanya-tanyalah tentang hal yang tak pernah selesai. Semuanya terserah kamu.

Tapi benci dan lari itu bukan pilihan. Benci dan lari hanya pilihan orang-orang yang kalah dan tidak cukup pandai menemukan celah keputusan yang baik.

Padahal kebaikan adalah hal mutlak yang harus selalu diperjuangkan. Selalu ada cara yang baik untuk menyelesaikan segala sesuatu. Selalu ada alasan untuk baik terhadap hal-hal, peristiwa, dan orang-orang yang keji.

Dan saat kita diberi kesempatan untuk belajar memperjuangkan kebaikan di atas itu semua,

itulah rezeki yang paling besar.

Adil Sejak dalam Pikiran


Tulisan ini terinspirasi dari perkataan Pramoedya Ananta Toer, ia mengatakan

"Seorang terpelajar harus sudah berbuat adil sejak dalam pikiran apalagi dalam perbuatan"

Kalimat ini memiliki arti yang sangat mendalam, jika saja banyak masyarakat kita yang memahami ini, akan sangat banyak keadilan yang dapat ditegakkan. Hal itu yang kita inginkan, bukan?

Konsep ini menjadi dasar, karena tentu, ketika seseorang sudah memiliki integritas sejak dalam pikirannya, maka tindak tanduknya yang akan menjadi cerminan dirinya, begitu juga sebaliknya bila sejak dalam pikiran sudah tidak berintegritas. 

Mari kita bersama pahami, apa yang dimaksud dengan adil sejak dalam pikiran. Adil dalam pikiran berarti konsisten (ISTIQAMAH) dalam konteks, konsisten dalam keputusan. Apa yang dibuat konsisten? Logikanya. Seorang yang adil, harus  bisa memilih apa yang benar, bukan yang disuka, dan menolak apa yang salah, bukan apa yang tidak disuka. Paham perbedaannya?

Contohnya seperti ini, seorang mahasiswa mengetahui dan menyepakati bahwa batas terlambat dalam perkuliahan adalah 15 menit. Ada atau tanpa dosen, tahu atau tidak diketahui, ketika ia sadar bahwa ia sudah telat, maka di dalam pikirannya tidak perlu muncul cara agar ia bisa tetap mengisi presensi, dia sadar bahwa dia telat, dan itu berarti ia absen (tidak hadir dalam pendataan).

Contoh yang lebih kompleks, kita memahami bahwa berpikir kritis adalah hal yang penting, dan misalkan kita adalah orang yang membenci agama, ras, atau golongan tertentu. Ketika ada informasi negatif pada kelompok tersebut, seharusnya kita sadar bahwa berpikir kritis tetap harus dijunjung, kita tetap harus mencari informasi dari sumber lain, berusaha seimbang dalam mencari argumen. Bila mengaku individu yang sangat rasional, maka adil sejak dalam pikiran adalah hal paling mendasar.

Masalah muncul ketika si Mahasiswa tetap mengisi presensi padahal telat, karena dosen tidak mengetahui. Masalah lainnya ketika seseorang terus membenci kelompok tertentu tanpa mencari informasi yang seimbang. Dan masalah di setiap lini kehidupan jika kita tidak belajar untuk adil sejak dalam pikiran. 

Saya mengagumi konsep berpikir kritis, mencari kebenaran, berusaha terus skeptis. Tetapi sayang, banyak individu yang hanya menggunakannya untuk orang lain, tetapi lupa untuk mengkritisi pikirannya sendiri. Banyak dari kita yang menuntut keadilan, tetapi lupa untuk adil sejak dalam pikiran.

Bila mengubah dunia terasa begitu sulit, ubahlah negara, bila masih sulit ubahlah kota, bila masih terasa sulit ubahlah diri kita sendiri.

Lingkungan Pembentuk Kompetensi

Menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik, tentulah diinginkan oleh semua manusia yang memiliki akal sehat, mulai dari membaca buku hingga mengikuti berbagai macam seminar, namun ada fenomena yang menarik terkait self development.

Sebagian orang (kita sebut orang A) begitu semangat untuk mengembangkan dirinya, ia berani mencoba hal baru dan menganggap masalah sebagai sesuatu yang memberikan pelajaran yang berharga, ia suka membaca atau mengikuti seminar. Ada juga orang yang hidup hanya mengikuti arus, ia sadar bahwa kualitas diri itu penting namun tidak berupaya untuk memilikinya (kita sebut orang B).

Apa yang sebenarnya terjadi dengan orang A? Sebenarnya sederhana, mereka tumbuh dibantu dengan pengalaman, sebagaimana kita tahu pengalaman adalah guru yang terbaik, pengalaman mengajar dengan keras namun ilmunya begitu membekas, lalu bagaimana mereka bisa mendapatkan banyak pengalaman yang menghebatkan? Pola pikir! Ya, pola pikirnya membuat ia tertantang dalam mencoba sesuatu, membuatnya selalu ingin tumbuh dari tiap permasalahan yang ada, dan membuatnya percaya diri bahwa ia bisa melakukan yang lebih baik dan lebih baik lagi.

Apa yang membentuk pola pikir seseorang? Lingkungan menjadi faktor yang paling kuat.

Lalu apa yang terjadi oleh orang B? Kita katakan bahwa mereka adalah orang-orang 'kotak korek api', percobaannya sederhana, coba anda masukkan seekor kutu anjing kedalam sebuah kotak korek api, biarkan ia berada di dalamnya selama kurang lebih 14 hari (dengan makanan berada di dalam). Percaya atau tidak, setelah anda lepaskan kutu tersebut, ia hanya mampu melompat tidak lebih tinggi dari tinggi kotak korek api, padahal sebelumnya ia mampu melompat lebih dari 200x tinggi badannya.

Atau contoh lainnya adalah gajah-gajah pekerja. Ketika awal ditangkap, gajah-gajah pekerja ini diikit dengan rantai besi yang sangat kuat, sehingga upaya yang ia lakukan tidak membuat dirinya bisa lepas. Setelah sekian lama gajah-gajah tersebut diperlakukan seperti itu, mulailah si pemilik menggantinya hanya dengan seutas tali tambang. Namun yang menarik, setelah diganti dengan tali, gajah-gajah ini tidak lagi berusaha untuk melepaskan dirinya. Kisah kutu dan gajah ini dalam psikologi disebut learned helplessness. Yang artinya, mereka tidak lagi merasakan adanya hubungan yang positif antara upaya yang dilakukan dengan hasil yang didapatkan.

Inilah efek lingkungan yang membentuk kompetensi. Banyak dari kita yang tinggal di lingkungan yang mengecilkan kita, berisi orang orang yang berpikiran pesimis, dan hanya bisa mengeluh, maka kemudian pemikiran kita ikut terbawa, dan melebur menjadi bagian dari lingkungan tersebut.

Kita membaca buku, kita mengikuti seminar, namun pemikiran kita menahan potensi kita, kita masih berpikir 'apakah saya bisa menjadi lebih baik?' 'Apakah saya bisa melakukan hal ini?' Sehingga kemudian ilmu yang didapatkan tidak diaplikasikan, padahal pengembangan diri adalah aplikasi, bukan sekadar teori.

Lalu bagaimana dengan lingkunganmu?

Maka berhati-hatilah dalam memilih sahabat, berteman dengan siapa saja, namun bersahabatlah dengan mereka yang mampu membuatmu lebih baik, sehingga perlahan pola pikirmu akan ikut menjadi lebih baik, dan akhirnya membuat dirimu mampu berkembang dengan lebih baik.

Kecerobohan dalam memilih, akan membuat kita berada pada kesengsaraan, kebijaksanaan dalam memilih, akan membuat kita hidup dalam kebahagiaan.

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[SELF HELP] Greatest Blessing

Complete series of Self Helps :

1. [SELF HELP] Kamu itu.. siapa?

2. [SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

3. [SELF HELP] Greatest Blessing

4. [SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat

5. [SELF HELP] Mature with Damage, Not Years

6. [SELF HELP] Consistent, The HARDEST Battle

7. [SELF HELP] 22 MILLION IN 6 MONTHS!!

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I’m 22.

I have Allah. I have Rasulullah. I have such a great big family. I have that companions who I always count on. For now I’m perfectly healthy. My soul is on its peak, very much stable than years before. It gets hard sometimes but it doesn’t let me drown in negativity for long. It always try to heal me unconsciously.  My life was, is, and will always be the greatest story I’ve ever known. It’s not that I’m surrounded by all those pleasant things. Calamity took its place too. But without their perfect collaboration which are followed by His Mercy and Guidance, I won’t be me who I am today and it’s hard to think the other possibility. It’s hard to think about the other me.

And such a greatest story, wouldn’t be the way it is without the hands, touches, affection, and dua of our perfect mother. When people say that mother is our true angel, I’m now thoroughly understand that it’s never been a lie. She’s always there, standing in between, takes place between us and God which no one can replace.

Then, will I still mumble when everything went wrong?

Nope, as long as I still have Allah and that standing-in-between angel called Mom, that’s really an inapproriate thing to do.

Read More

[SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat

Complete series of Self Helps :

1. [SELF HELP] Kamu itu.. siapa?

2. [SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

3. [SELF HELP] Greatest Blessing

4. [SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat

5. [SELF HELP] Mature with Damage, Not Years

6. [SELF HELP] Consistent, The HARDEST Battle

7. [SELF HELP] 22 MILLION IN 6 MONTHS!!

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Tuhan paham benar bahwa siapapun manusianya, ia tetap membutuhkan makhluk yang bisa ia lihat keberadaannya, ia dengar suaranya, ia sentuh sosoknya. Makhluk yang kemudian kita sebut manusia. Meskipun pada hakikatnya, Tuhan saja sudah lebih dari cukup untuk menjalani hidup.

Ada banyak orang dengan hati yang luasnya hampir menyaingi samudra, dengan mimpi-mimpi yang besarnya hampir mengalahkan semesta. Ada banyak orang luar biasa di dunia. Apakah kita sempat bertemu dan kenal dengan mereka semua? Sebagian kecilnya sudah. Tapi yang pasti tidak akan pernah seluruhnya.

Tuhan begitu apik mengatur hidup masing-masing hamba-Nya. Ia tahu betul orang mana yang perlu beririsan jalan hidupnya dengan jalan hidup seseorang yang lain. Ia tahu betul orang seperti apa yang membuat kita nyaman, orang seperti apa yang membuat kita sebal, serta orang seperti apa yang dianggap pantas memberi kita pelajaran.

Saat hari-hari usiamu masih bisa dihitung dengan jari, saat matamu yang tadinya masih kabur mulai bisa melihat dengan jelas. Siapapun manusia itu, dialah orang yang Dia putuskan sebagai manusia pertama yang kamu lihat. Untuk sekian waktu kedepannya hingga kamu dan dia 'terpisah', kamu mengenalnya sebagai orangtua. Mereka mungkin bukan yang terbaik. Pemahaman mereka mungkin tidak sebijak yang tertulis dalam buku-buku pendidikan anak. Perlakuan mereka mungkin masih perlu ujian remedial. Tapi mereka dan apa-apa yang ada pada mereka, itulah yang diputuskan-Nya untuk kamu terima.

Selang tahun berganti. Kamu mulai mengenal banyak orang. Beragam jenis manusia. Ada saudara-saudaramu. Lalu ada orang-orang yang tadinya tidak kamu kenal. Beberapa darinya sempat berpapasan jalan. Beberapa lainnya saling menyapa dan bertukar nama. Beberapa sesudahnya mulai bercerita, malu-malu, kesegan-seganan. Beberapa setelahnya sudah tidak lagi sungkan untuk saling 'membongkar' aib masing-masing. Mereka boleh jadi bukan orang dengan pencapaian maha dahsyat, bukan orang dengan ruang penerimaan paling luas, tapi mereka dan apa-apa yang ada pada mereka, itulah yang diputuskan-Nya untuk kamu terima.

Detik ini, atau nanti, ketika kamu sudah mulai menghargai dan mencintai dirimu sendiri, kamu akan tahu bahwa manusia-manusia selain dirimu yang diputuskan oleh-Nya untuk mengambil peran dalam hidupmu, dalam suka ataupun duka, dalam rela atau amarah, mereka adalah orang-orang yang keberadaannya tidak bisa kamu beli dengan uang, dengan saham, dengan emas, dengan apapun harta yang ada di dunia. 

Bersyukurlah bahwa Tuhanmu tidak mengutus kepadamu orang-orang terbaik.

Dia, mengutus kepadamu orang-orang yang tepat.


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May 27th, 2017.

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[SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

SOURCE : hawramani.com. 

Complete series of Self Helps :

1. [SELF HELP] Kamu itu.. siapa?

2. [SELF HELP] Why God Allows Evil to Exist and Why Bad Things Happen to Good People

3. [SELF HELP] Greatest Blessing

4. [SELF HELP] Orang-Orang yang Tepat

5. [SELF HELP] Mature with Damage, Not Years

6. [SELF HELP] Consistent, The HARDEST Battle

7. [SELF HELP] 22 MILLION IN 6 MONTHS!!

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(MUST-READ ESSAY!)

INTRODUCTION

There is a surprising amount of confusion among the religious, even among clerics and scholars, when it comes to understanding why evil exists and why God stands aside when so much suffering happens throughout the world. I’ve heard nothing but lame excuses and naive, illogical reasoning from them when they try to justify the existence of evil.

Most of us express wonder when we see some horrible catastrophe happen, or when we see evil individuals, companies and institutions wield so much power. Some people even go so far as to blame God for the evil things that exist in this world, since if God had desired, He could have prevented such things from existing or happening in the first place. Others take this even further, using the existence of evil as proof of God’s non-existence. How can a good and supposedly all-powerful God stand by while so much evil happens? Where is our God?

I cannot follow a self-contradictory, unpredictable and illogical God, which is what God is as taught by many teachers of religion. Since I do not fit the criteria for becoming an atheist (being intelligent enough to reject the incoherent religion taught by my parents and teachers, but not intelligent enough to fix these incoherences and find my own path to God), what I have done throughout my life is to go back to Scripture and re-invent God based on its teachings, getting rid of all the cultural baggage that has entered into common religious belief to go back to the focus of all religion: The Understanding and Worship of God.

There are good, perfectly logical explanations for these things, deep explanations that elucidate the purpose of this universe, our place in it, and our relationship with God, and through this give us perfectly good reasons for the existence of evil.

Why Evil Exists

What is the point of the existence of this world anyway? Many mistakenly think that the purpose of this world is to be a permanent residence where people judge whether God exists or not. They think that they can gauge God’s “level” of existence by the things that happen around them, so that given the right set of events, they will decide He is alive and active, and given others, they will decide He doesn’t exist, because if He existed, the world wouldn’t be the way it is.

A friend said that he once went on a trip abroad, and before he left, he asked God to protect three things that were most important to him in his life. During his trip, he lost all three, which included the dying of loved ones, and this made him decide that God doesn’t exist. He is a Buddhist now.

The above case is an example of earth-centric thinking, that considers this world a goal in itself. This is the core mistake that leads to millions of people misunderstanding, even disliking, God. That is a mistake because this world is nothing besides a testing hall where humans can freely choose to do as they like, to prove their worthiness of God’s approval or wrath. This world is not meant to be a permanent residence.

Most religions teach that an end of the world is coming. Regardless of religion, the universe is on track to become a dark, lifeless mass as the stars and galaxies die out. Everything is going to end, and what remains is the record of our deeds, kept by God. Even if we manage to create the greatest empire on earth, or write the most wonderful novel, none of our accomplishments will last.

One day the universe will shut down as if it never existed, and on that day what significance can our achievements have? This world is not meant as a permanent home of peace, but as a test. And a test requires that the possibility of failure should exist. If all humans acted according to God’s wishes, evil would not exist. But since God has given humans the freedom to disobey Him, they have the ability to do evil.

God is good, and evil is the absence of goodness, the same way that darkness is the absence of light. If God is Light, we cannot blame Him for the darkness we encounter when we turn away from Him, distance ourselves from Him, and act against His wishes.

Why didn’t God make the universe a place of wholesome goodness lacking in the possibility for evil? Because if evil could not exist, humans wouldn’t truly be free beings.

To be free, humans require the freedom to act against God along with the freedom to act for His sake. God wants to give humans perfect freedom to act and grow, so that they can be the best or the worst they want to be. Since humans have the freedom to act against God, and since to act against God is to create evil, humans have been given the freedom to create evil.

God did not make this world a perfect place because that is not its purpose. Imagine if you were a maker of creatures. If the creatures you made were controlled by their nature to do exactly what you put in them to do, they could never be truly your friends. They would be subservient robot-like machines that cannot help doing whatever you put in them to do.

But imagine if one day you wanted something more. You wanted to make creatures that could truly be your friends. The only way to have a true friend is to create a creature that can choose whether to be your friend or not. And so, you make creatures with free will, who can act according to whatever they wish, rather than according to your programming. Some of these creatures will choose to be your friends, others will ignore you, others will choose to be your enemies. They may fight among themselves, doing much evil to one another, and blaming you, their creator, for the evil they do, when in truth they should blame themselves, for they are the ones choosing to act the way they do. They have the freedom to be good, and many of them choose to be good, but some of them  choose to be evil instead.

The only thing we can blame God for is His creating us and giving us the freedom to be evil. This is a pointless blame. This is our reality and our fate, we cannot escape it. We have been thrown into this game regardless of our wishes, a game that forces us to choose to be either good or evil. We can debate the ethics of forcing people to choose between good and evil. But at the end of the day, we are forced to play this game. There is no dropping out.

( read this OR directly watch this )

Our Creator has done this to us, possibly against our will, but we cannot get hung up over this fact, because our future holds something very important: Either eternal reward, or eternal punishment. Blaming God will not help our future. It may make us feel better now to hate God as so many do, but by making us think badly of God, this will reduce our chances of future success. The future is coming whether we want it to or not, and we have the power to make it a good or a bad future.

Not all evil is done by humans. Droughts, floods and other natural disasters can cause much evil and suffering, and we can lose loved ones through car accidents and illnesses. Why doesn’t God prevent these things from happening if He loves us? Because, in order for the testing hall that is this world to be a true and consistent place of testing, God shouldn’t interfere with the functioning of nature. The laws of nature should behave in such a way that makes sense even without reference to God. If we were as intelligent as we are, and yet we saw that nothing bad ever happened on earth, no car accidents, no illnesses, nothing, that everyone died in old age of natural causes, then this would be undeniable evidence of the existence of a higher power that protects humans.

God wants us to have the possibility of being atheists. It is one of God’s self-imposed rules that it should be impossible to directly detect His existence. And that requires that the functioning of this world should make perfect sense according to predictable scientific laws.

God wants us to believe in Him without seeing Him or knowing that He truly exists, because if it were possible to prove His existence, it would reduce our freedom to act against Him. God wants our universe to seem to make perfect sense without any necessity for His existence. This way we are given the freedom to discover Him and His Scriptures, and through our knowledge and conscience, we gain the ability to either follow His way or disbelieve in Him. Once we are given this knowledge, there is no turning away from the choice between good and evil.

God wants our test to be a perfect test, in which we have perfect freedom to be good or evil. This would allow us to take credit for our actions. If God’s existence were proven, we’d be turned into slaves who cannot help but do as He says. We’d become merchants who act in our best interests by following God’s commandments. This is not what God wants. God wants us to be honored creatures who befriend Him not because we are forced to, but because we choose to. This is what gives worth to our friendship.

There is little honor in an employee acting according to his or her boss’s wishes, this is the expected behavior. While even this amount of obedience to a boss justifies reward, so that even if we had proof of God’s existence, we could still be rewarded for obeying Him, God wants to take us beyond this boss-employee relationship. He wants to raise us to the status of honored friends, who act out of love and friendship, and out of our own efforts toward remembrance of God, rather than acting out of practical compulsion.

God wants us to be the servant who continues to love and serve his master, even though the master goes away for years, decades. What incredible honor and reward can await such a servant who faithfully loves and serves his absent master for 50 or 60 years, until he dies, even though the master never returns?

God, by creating the possibility for the existence of true friendship between Himself and the humans He created, had to also create the possibility for the existence of true enmity between Himself and them. He wanted friends, but He knew that they couldn’t truly be called friends unless they had the option to be His enemies.

The evil done by humans on Earth is a doing of humans when they act against God, it is not a doing of God, therefore humans should be blamed, not God. And the evil done by nature is nature’s own doing, caused by the rules of physics, and God does not want to interfere with it because constant interference with nature would cause His existence to become apparent. It is necessary for disasters and accidents to be possible, as these prove to us the validity of nature’s rules, and allows the atheist the freedom to use these to prove that God doesn’t exist.

God and Nature shall always be apart, or seem to be apart, so that each one appears to function without the other. This is necessary, as this is what enables humans the freedom to choose between faith and disbelief, between good and evil. The world needs to make perfect, logical sense without having to refer to God in our thinking. It should be possible for us to believe that the world functions on its own without anything supernatural existing, this is what gives us the freedom to believe and disbelieve in God.

We need to be able to believe that the Master is absent. This is when the true nature of the servant comes through. Bad servants start to misbehave as soon as the Master looks away, and if the Master is away long enough, they entirely give up serving Him. They will start to loot His property and defile His name. But the good and honorable servant, even as he sees all of this happen, continues to have love and loyalty toward his Master. It makes no difference to him even if the Master never comes back. He keeps the remembrance of his Master in his heart, and he admonishes and encourages himself to continue to be the best servant he can be.

The world, the way it is, gives us the perfect opportunity to be this honorable and admirable servant. If evil did not exist, and if bad things did not happen, then there would have been no way for such servants of God to exist. We’d instead all be lowly and menial servants who never had a chance to disobey, and thus never had a chance to prove our loyalty toward God.

A world without evil and disaster would be a dysfunctional testing hall that cannot differentiate between the best and the worst of us. Without evil and disaster, God’s existence would be so clearly visible to us that most of us would cower in front of Him. A few people might be found who are daring enough to disobey God even in such circumstances, but the majority of people would kneel before God as they would before a great emperor, regardless of whether they had any loyalty toward Him.

A world that seems to be ruled by the cold, harsh laws of nature, and that completely hides the existence of God from our eyes, gives us the perfect opportunity to prove our loyalty to God. This world, with all of its problems, is the perfect testing hall that, because of the problems it has.

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